Recently, we sat down for a discussion with one of our beloved teachers,
Amanda Nicole to discuss the herb, Holly—and one idea from that conversation has stayed with us ever since: “
Holly Eyes.” It’s so captivating (and so surprisingly practical) that we had to share it here, too.
So, what is “Holly Eyes”? It’s a way of looking at someone that helps love to feel possible again.
Not in a “you have to like everyone” way. Not in a “we should all hold hands” way. More like: Oh. We can remember love exists here too.
Even if the relationship is complicated. Even if we don’t agree. Even if we’re not close.
The Bach flower remedies associate Holly with jealousy and envy. These feelings tend to show up when something in us is convinced there isn’t enough:
Not enough love.
Not enough attention.
Not enough reassurance.
Not enough belonging.
Not enough “place” for us.
And when that “not enough” story is running, relationships can feel tense from the inside. Our minds start calculating:
If they care about them more… does that mean they care about us less?
If we’re not the favorite… are we safe?
If we’re not first… do we matter?
Those thoughts can feel embarrassing, but they’re also incredibly human. Most of the time, they aren’t about wanting to control anyone. They’re about wanting to feel secure.
Here’s the part we love most about Amanda’s “Holly Eyes” idea—because it makes it usable in real life: We can’t walk around like this all the time.
We can’t be fully open, fully “on,” fully seeing everyone through unconditional love 24/7. We have to be able to turn it down. We have to be able to turn it off when needed.
Sometimes spiritual language can sound like the goal is to be endlessly open-hearted and endlessly available. But most of us are living real lives with boundaries, responsibilities, and nervous systems that crave some care.
So “Holly Eyes” isn’t a demand. It’s not even a suggestion. It’s an option. A setting we can adjust. And Amanda offers a simple image that makes it easy to try: Think of it like a dial.
When we’re around someone who brings up irritation, jealousy, comparison, or old insecurity… we can experiment with turning the dial toward “Holly Eyes” for just a moment. Not to force ourselves to feel something we don’t. Just to see what changes when we remember love is possible.
If we want to try it in a grounded way, here’s a simple version:
- Pick someone we have mixed feelings about (not our biggest trigger—just someone mildly challenging).
- For five seconds, imagine looking at them with “Holly Eyes.” Keep the thought very simple: Love is possible here.
- Then notice the body. That’s it. No pressure to be sweet. Just noticing.
- Now imagine we can turn the dial down to a level that feels safe and realistic.
- And ask: What becomes possible at this setting?
Sometimes what becomes possible is softness.
Sometimes it’s a little space around the reaction.
Sometimes it’s just: We don’t have to harden to protect ourselves
One important note: “Holly Eyes” is not the same as unlimited access. This isn’t about dropping boundaries or pretending everything is fine.
We can feel love and still say no.
We can feel love and still keep distance.
We can feel love and still be clear about what doesn’t work for us.
That’s why the “dial” matters. It gives us a way to hold two things at once: openness and discernment. Not either/or—both.
And here’s the quiet depth in it (even though it’s simple): When the “love is scarce” story loosens, jealousy and envy often soften too. Not because we’ve forced them away—but because they don’t have to shout to protect us from a shortage that may not be real.
Want to go deeper?
- Listen to the conversation on Holly (with Amanda Nicole) to get the full context for “Holly Eyes" on our YouTube channel. Topical segments will be released daily on our social media (Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube) this week.
- Download the Seasonal Herbalist Cards and sit with Holly. Even if we don’t have a tincture or flower essence of Holly on hand, we can still spend meaningful time with the plant. As Alberto mentions in the podcast, we can “sit with it” by meditating on the Holly card—reading it slowly, reflecting, and letting it work on us in its own way.
- If you enjoy or desire to connect with the plants, check out the Plant Attunement classes with Amanda at MWIH and her new book, Entosophy: The Wisdom of Trees.
